The Tug of War with Your Mind
Letting Go to Move Forward
You have most likely heard the expression; "what you resist, persists." I have resisted and persisted so many times, that I am satisfied in my mind, that there is much wisdom in this psychological insight. This idea originated from Carl Jung, who believed that what we avoid internally often manifests externally as our destiny.
This is also a central theme in various Eastern philosophies, suggesting that resisting or fighting against something only gives it more power and longevity.
Anxiety and Fear
Whenever I push away feelings of anxiety or fear, these emotions often become stronger. For instance, when I began my career in sales and marketing, I discovered I had call reluctance. This meant I was afraid to make calls, for fear of being rejected. The more I resisted making phone calls or in-person visits, the more anxious I became.
When I faced my fear head-on, things started to change. Gradually, I overcame my reluctance to call prospective clients. The breakthrough came when I realized that suppressing or avoiding my fear only made it persist.
By embracing and addressing it directly, the anxiety began to diminish. It was a powerful lesson: resistance fuels fear. Confrontation dispels it.
Negative Thoughts
The same truth applies to negative thoughts. Trying to forcibly stop them can actually make them more persistent. Think of it like trying not to think about a buzzing mosquito in the room; the more you focus on ignoring it, the louder its buzz becomes.
For instance, if someone repeatedly tells themselves not to dwell on a past mistake, they'll often find that the mistake looms even larger in their mind. This happens because our brain registers the instruction and paradoxically brings the thought into sharper focus.
Negative thoughts are stubborn and fighting them head-on often strengthens their grip. Instead of resisting, acknowledging these thoughts without judgment can reduce their power.
Recognize a negative thought for what it is – just a thought, not an absolute truth. By doing so, you take away its ability to persistently dominate your mind.
Relationships and Conflicts
In relationships, avoiding or resisting conflict often leads to unresolved issues that persist and fester. Many years ago, I went through a painful, ugly divorce because we avoided discussing our disagreements until they exploded. Communication broke down, and the underlying issues only grew bigger over time.
Had we understood the principle of what you resist persists, we might have saved the marriage. By resisting conflict, we allowed minor problems to escalate into major ones. Open dialogue could have addressed these issues before they became insurmountable.
Resisting uncomfortable discussions never makes them go away; it just delays the inevitable explosion. In hindsight, facing our problems head-on would have been more productive. Ignoring or avoiding conflict is never a solution—it only ensures that those problems will persist.
Parental Resistance
I've seen this too often with parents today. When parents are overly strict or resistant to their children's choices, it can backfire. Forbidding a teenager from seeing certain friends only makes those friendships more appealing.
Teenagers crave independence and autonomy. Excessive control pushes them to rebel even more. The tighter the leash, the stronger the resistance.
Instead of open dialogue, these teens might resort to secrecy and deceit. Trust breaks down completely.
It’s crucial for parents to find balance—guidance, not restriction. Fostering trust helps teenagers make better choices on their own.
Understanding and support go further than rigid rules ever will.
Societal and Cultural Examples
Historical examples show that resistance to social movements often strengthens them. The civil rights movement in the United States is a prime example. Faced with significant resistance, including violent opposition and legal barriers, the movement persisted.
This resistance brought national attention to the cause. Media coverage of brutal encounters, such as police brutality in Selma, evoked public outrage. As more people became aware of the injustices, support for civil rights grew.
Activists used this momentum to push for legislative changes. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965 were direct outcomes. Resistance did not suppress the movement; it fueled its progress.
Social movements thrive on adversity. Confronting opposition head-on often galvanizes supporters and attracts new allies. In essence, resistance amplifies their impact and helps achieve their goals.
Prohibition
This is one of the best examples of resistance perpetuating persistence. During the Prohibition era in the United States, the government's attempt to ban alcohol faced significant opposition. Their efforts, intended to curb alcohol consumption, ironically led to an increase in illegal activities.
Speakeasies and underground bars flourished as people sought ways to circumvent the law. Organized crime saw a golden opportunity and seized it by supplying illegal liquor, making alcohol even more desirable. Instead of diminishing, alcohol consumption became more widespread than before the ban.
The public’s growing thirst for forbidden spirits showcased persistent defiance against restrictive laws. The resistance against Prohibition fueled an enduring culture of rebellion and indulgence that persisted throughout this tumultuous period. Eventually, the futility of enforcing such bans was recognized.
History clearly demonstrates that attempts at over-regulation can backfire spectacularly. In this case, resistance proved stronger than repression, underscoring the complexities of human behavior and societal control.
More examples of “What you Resist, Persists”
Resisting physical pain often exacerbates it. For people with chronic pain conditions, trying to ignore or fight the discomfort typically leads to greater tension and more persistent pain. Acceptance and mindfulness practices have been shown to help alleviate these symptoms.
In dieting, resistance to cravings and rigid restriction usually result in stronger cravings and potential binge eating. A balanced approach without extreme restrictions fosters healthier, more sustainable eating habits.
The same principle applies to psychological and spiritual growth. In meditation, resisting wandering thoughts causes frustration and makes distractions more persistent. Accepting that thoughts will arise and gently refocusing on the breath improves the practice's effectiveness.
Grief is another area where resistance proves counterproductive. Resisting the grieving process can prolong suffering and unresolved emotions. Embracing grief allows for healing and emotional resolution.
Final Thoughts
I've learned my lessons at the University of Hard Knocks. It's essential to accept reality and work through it for positive change. When you resist, what you resist persists.
This isn't just a catchy phrase; it's a universal law. Fighting against reality only prolongs your struggles. Embracing it allows growth and transformation.
Accepting reality doesn't mean giving up. It means facing challenges head-on. Only then can you create meaningful and lasting change.