Should-ism: The 'Shoulds' That Hold Us Back
10 "Shoulds" That Torment Us and Block Our Growth
Should-ism is virus that affects most of us. There is no vaccine for it, but it can often times be cured with a mindset shift. So, I have collected 10 “shoulds” that plague many of us, including moi.
I’ve added a bit of humor to poke fun at ourselves.
1. I Should Be Perfect
I confess, this particular “should” torments me the most. The idea of being perfect is like an annoying alarm clock you can’t shut off. Perfectionism often leads to what is often called, paralysis by analysis. This means I spend so much time worrying about making mistakes that I never actually start anything.
When faced with a blank page, my brain turns into a perfection-seeking missile. Instead of writing, I'm stuck imagining all the possible ways it could go wrong. My inner critic becomes louder than a rock concert.
In reality, striving for perfection is just setting myself up for failure. No one’s perfect—except maybe your pet who flawlessly pulls off napping all day. So I’m still learning to accept my beautifully imperfect self and getting started despite those pesky “shoulds” in my head!
2. I Should Always Be Happy
Yeah, right! This one's a real doozy for me and, let's be honest, for most of you too. Expecting to be constantly happy is unrealistic.
First off, life isn't a non-stop joyride—it’s more like an emotional roller coaster with loop-de-loops of frustration and unexpected drops into moments of sheer panic. Insisting that we should always be happy ignores the full spectrum of human emotions. Imagine if we only felt one thing all the time; we’d get bored faster than binge-watching an entire season of The Bachelor.
Our grumpy days, anxious nights, and even those apathetic afternoons are crucial for personal growth. They’re basically emotional spinach—we might not love them, but they’re good for us. So let’s cut ourselves some slack. Being unhappy sometimes doesn’t mean we're doing life wrong; it means we're human.
3. I Should Have Everything Figured Out.
This is like paralysis by analysis with an extra shot of espresso. The belief that you need all the answers before taking action can prevent you from ever getting started.
Imagine trying to assemble a bookshelf without ever touching a single screw until you've read every manual in existence! Hilarious, right? But that's what this mindset does.
It's like standing at the edge of a pool and waiting for the water to tell you how it feels.
Instead, embrace the chaos. Fumble through IKEA instructions and accept that some pieces might look upside down initially.
Ditch the shoulds and get moving.
4. I Should Please Everyone
Sure, because that's totally sustainable! I should please everyone. I tend to be a people-pleaser, so this thought often looms over me, compelling me to meet every expectation placed upon me. But, I am a work-in-progress, and I intentionally work on reducing this “should.”
I am learning when we focus solely on others' expectations, we risk losing sight of our own needs and desires. Constantly striving to please can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction. Our personal goals become overshadowed by the relentless pursuit of approval.
I heard this some years ago, (can’t remember who said it) “trying to meet everyone's expectations is like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. It's impossible and will almost certainly end in disaster.”
Even if you managed that, guess what? Someone in the audience would still complain about your form. The irony is, while you're busy bending over backward for everyone else, you lose sight of your own needs and desires.
5. I Should Be More Successful by Now
Shouldn't I? After all, everyone and their dog seems to be winning awards or launching startups from their garage. It's easy to look at others and think, Hey, where's my million-dollar idea?
Sure, some days it feels like the universe forgot to send me my success memo. But let's not forget the small victories.
An arbitrary timeline only creates unnecessary pressure—no one ever says you have to become a billionaire before your 30th birthday.
Besides, what even is success? If happiness counts, then hey, I'm already nailing it!
6. I Should Never Fail
But let's get real. Fear of failure can cling to you like a bad haircut. It often stops you from diving into risks like they're some kind of personal kryptonite.
Imagine tiptoeing through life, avoiding every misstep. How boring is that? Risks are the secret sauce to both growth and hilarious stories later on.
Remember that time your cake exploded in the oven? Sure, it was a mess, but now you're practically a baking legend! So embrace those flops—they're just stepping stones to epic triumphs and top-notch anecdotes.
In other words, bring on the risks. Failure might just be your new best friend in disguise.
7. I Should Be More Like [Someone Else]
Sure, who needs individuality anyway? Comparing myself to others is practically a hobby at this point. Oh look, I can do the hula-hoop while singing opera! I think, as I patiently wait for the microwave to finish my instant noodles.
The truth is, pointing out how I'm not [Someone Else] only undermines my own quirky talents—like my ability to remember obscure movie quotes, or find the best snacks in any supermarket. But who needs that? Apparently, no one but me.
Ironically, getting caught up in comparisons often leads to feelings of inadequacy. So let's accept our own bizarre uniqueness and stop should-ing ourselves into existential crises. Life’s too short to be anyone but fabulously weird you.
8. I Should Be Able to Do It All.
You know, because apparently I'm superhuman or something. The word should, should be banned (see what I did there?). It's the gateway drug to burnout. One moment you're handling everything like a pro, and the next, you're questioning your life choices while eating cereal for dinner.
Burnout is that unfriendly ghost haunting overachievers everywhere. Thinking you can do it all prevents you from seeking necessary help or collaboration, which usually leads to isolating yourself in a mountain of work.
So, take this as your cue to ask for help. Because trust me, even superheroes need sidekicks.
9. I Should Always Be Productive
If I'm not cranking out work, am I even breathing?
But hey, who needs rest, right? It's not like sleep or downtime helps recharge our bodies and minds. Oh wait, it does! Even machines get a break; ever heard of rebooting?
Then there's reflection—a major productivity hack that's been around since forever. Think before you act? Nah, let's just keep running in circles.
And let's not forget self-care. After all, nobody can run on caffeine and sheer willpower alone—except maybe CEOs and fictional superheroes.
10. I Shouldn't Need Help
Believing you should always be self-sufficient, it's like trying to climb Everest in flip-flops. Ambitious? Sure. Smart? Not so much.
Honestly, the only thing worse than needing help is pretending you don't need it—and driving yourself bananas in the process.
So, drop that should off your shoulders before it breaks your back! Asking for support isn’t weakness; it's strategic brilliance. Even MacGyver had duct tape.
Finale
Recognizing these pesky shoulds is the first step toward freedom. You know, those nagging little thoughts that tell you how life should be? They're like the diet version of yourself—less fun and very restrictive.
By challenging these self-imposed expectations, you start cracking open a world of possibilities. It's like telling your inner critic to take a hike while you enjoy an extra slice of cake.
With this newfound attitude, your mindset can finally breathe. You'll go from being stuck in “Should-ville” to exploring Why-the-heck-not City. And seriously, who wouldn’t want to live there?
Ultimately, this lighthearted rebellion against those old expectations paves the way for personal growth. So loosen up!